your pale body

I'm in love with a brick wall.

2009-02-18T19:46:00.000-08:00

you'd think if someone loved you more than anyone else in the world they would stop doing the one thing that breaks your heart. the one thing that made you leave in the first place. yet it didn't phase you at all. how I felt one again didn't matter. not even the fact that I left made you second think it. you continue to push me farther and father into a shell of genuine shit. I hate myself and it has nothing to do with self esteem. no words can explain how I feel. not that it matters because you don't care. don't care don't care don't care. and that's what hurts the most.

2009-02-12T16:25:00.001-08:00

This is fact not fiction, for the first time in years.

Fuckin' aliens.

2009-02-12T00:03:00.000-08:00

Leia cooked for me tonight and a bunch of people took care of me, which was fucking awesome, because I obviously cannot do this by myself. I guess that makes me a puss. Whatever.

So let's talk about how super stoked I am to start my diet! I plan on losing 15 to 20 pounds, strictly veget-tables and chicken. Plus there is a 24 hour gym around here. Fuck yeah. I want to be a bagabones, that way i could wear a fucking trash bag and still look good. Pretty sad but that's my goal in life as of currently. To look sexy in a trash bag? Way to go Nikki.

OH! and dying my hair this color!

Probably a bad idea considering my hair just got healthy like two days ago. Fuck it. Hey, Bleach, you had me at "Hello".

The wind outside is ridic. Theres holes in two of my windows, and ironicly those widnows are smack dab right next to my bed. This should be a pleasent night. I also have no idea how to hook up my teevee, and the power is about to go out. AWESOME!

I'm torn between everything. I fucking hate this. The one thing that's keeping me remotely sane is thinking that maybe one day my life will sound like this song.

A SOLID SOUL AND THE BLOOD I BLEED.

the flies on your corpse will taste sour.

2009-02-11T01:17:00.000-08:00

So what I've learned from this experience, besides the fact that I completely wasted three years of what was supposed to be the greatest years of my life, I've learned that only you can make you happy. Putting all of your hope and faith and love and blood and sweat and tears and money and possesions and entire soul into one human being means you're a fool. And I am indeed the biggest fool of all. I want to say if you love something let it go, but it's so far beyond that point. Chance after chance after chance just ended up being spit back into my face. And I feel like the biggest asshole of all time. But I guess out of every bad comes some good, and that's all I can hope for. Fingers crossed.

This is a new start of my life. I will keep these memories close to my heart, forever. I won't ever forget anything, although I would like to right now. I'm as bitter as bitter gets, but that doesn't mean I hate the world. I hope everyone who knows the true meaning of love finds who they were truly meant to be with, and I pray they never feel like I do now. My best advice: Don't ever rely on anyone else, because you'll just get your heart handed to you time after time covered in shit.

Oh. but wait. You forget things so fucking easily, so why should this even matter?

..this aquired taste is only a fad.
(you finish the rest.)

because I can't think of anything better.

2009-01-31T16:16:00.000-08:00

If it makes you less sad I will die by your hand
I hope you find out what you want
I already know what I am.
And if it makes you less sad
We'll start talking again
And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am.

I'll grow old
And start acting my age
I'll be a brand new day
In a life that you hate.
A crown of gold
A heart that's harder than stone
And it hurts a whole lot
But it's missed when it's gone.

If it makes you less sad
I'll move out of the state
You can keep to yourself
I'll keep out of your way.
And if it makes you less sad
I'll take your pictures all down
Every picture you paint
I will paint myself out.

2009-01-30T17:53:00.001-08:00

when we dance
like a bug in the brandy, baby
drunk on the candy of you
and i don't need to tell you i love you.
when we touch nothing in the world fills me this much.
melting away from the heat
then lay at your feet
yes, i love to.
when we kiss
i am certain no one else exists
kissing, you know what you do
and i don't need to tell you
i love you, baby.

2008-12-26T09:26:00.000-08:00

Wonder why I question it now?
I'm my own planet.
Not many can experience this sensation.
Loneliness is creeping out, or in, however you think of it.
But it sure is surrounding me.
Maybe all the complaining is an accurance of boredom.
I suppose it’s too late.
I am floating farther and farther away.
I did love, I did laugh, I did live.
Now I’m my own planet.
A spaceman. They say I am a spaceman.
Planets everywhere... my own destiny.
I’m floating towards the sun.
The sun of nothing.
Nothing is here. Memories are not clear.
Floating to the sun farther away.
I can't believe that’s what it has come to.
I never really had it all that bad.
I just looked around and never thought about the blank stares.
They were looking into something much worse than what I thought I was.
Selfishness is a very sticky quality of this species.
Looking around... I don't see any faces.
Yes I am lonely. It’s to be expected.
I’ll sleep now.
Dream waves.

Merry Sexmas.

2008-12-25T11:07:00.000-08:00

Christmas is always so depressing for my family, they drink themselves into oblivion and pretend to be happy, and it makes me want to massacre the world. I was glad to see my family last night but Christmas hasn't been the same since my Mimi and Papa passed away. At least we keep the traditons going strong, or attempt to. And I guess that's all that matters :)

My cousin Christine found this decoration that says "When All Else Fails, Ask Mimi." Now, I've never heard that phrase in my entire existance. She said a random magazine came in the mail and she found it in there. I swear on sweet baby kittins after she ordered it, it disappeared from the magazine. I don't believe in god or angels but there is definitly something out there that sent my coustin that magazine. It was amazing, and it made my mother very happy. Therefore, I am happy too <3.

Sigh. I miss my friends. I haven't seen anyone this week between the virus I got and being tied up with my family. Hopefully that changes tonight! I want to love on everyone, and I am going to. So prepare yourself, because the Japanther is out for blood. And I mean that in the best way possible, scouts honor. SO LAY IT ON ME MOTHERFUCKERS, I'M OUT IN 3 DAYS.

Don't cry I'll bring this home to you.

2008-12-14T11:24:00.000-08:00

The first day I moved here, a total of 6 people told me that this town would change everything I ever thought I knew and everything I thought I was. I can feel it happening, but I don't think it's a bad thing. I feel more independant, I think I have more pride, and I'm almost confident in what I do. Somedays I feel the complete opposite. Yesterday I wanted to crawl into a hole and rot forever. I would have gave anything to be in New York, with my mom, and my brothers, and my animals, in my living room laying on the floor barefoot. I cant even walk around barefoot here without the risk of getting AIDS, it sucks. Somedays I feel inferior to everyone here. Somedays I want to shank bitches for being slutty. I don't care if you're a ho, but be a classy ho, PLEASE? Thanks.

5 days until home sweet home. I am going to tackle my mother to the ground and smother her with love. I miss my kitty, my bunnies, my puppies..MELVVYYY. I can't wait to eat homecooked meals and not microwavable meat or Banquet dinners. I can't wait to see MY LAURS SHRIMP TAMPORA babylove booberry sugapie honey buns. I miss John's songs, I miss Konstantines bow ties and contagious laugh, I miss Charies hamburgers and alchoholism, I miss Ralphs sincerirty. I miss everything.

I'm also torn to shit. Everyday I think about the people I met here so far, and how much I love them. Truly love them. Chris, Dick, Remi, Jake, Ashley. I wish I could take them everywhere with me, maybe pull a Jetsons and fold them up and stick them in my back pocket, just whip them out whenver I needed them. I just want to be with everyone I love all the time. If only it was that easy. I honestly don't know what I am going to do without these people when I graduate. New York brings out the worst in me, and these people bring out the best. I never want to leave them for good. No never never.

This past Friday there was a party at Robot house, where Dick, Remi, and Jake live. Towards the end of the night Chris and I decided to go back to Yellow house to eat. Jake followed. Said goodnight to Dick and Remi. We got back to house, and slowly but surley, Dick.. and then Remi, made their way up. I know it's lame but it was the best feeling ever. We always end up together. and I'm kind of in love with it.

I'm ranting horribly. I'm sorry. This is what Monessen does. Ohhhhh, Monessen.

2008-11-29T10:10:00.000-08:00

Now it's day and I've been trying to get that taste off my tongue
I was dreaming of just you, now our cereal, it is warm
Attractive day in the rubble of the night from before
Now I can't walk in a vacuum, I feel ugly, feel my pores
It's the trees of this day that I do battle with for the light
Then I start to feel tragic, people greet me, I'm polite
"What's the day?"
"Whats you doing?"
"How's your mood?"
"How's that song?"
Man it passes right by me, it's behind me, now it's gone
And I can't lift you up cause my mind is tired
It's family beaches that I desire
A sacred night where we'll watch the fireworks
They frightened the babies and you know they've got two flashing eyes
And if they are color blind, they make me feel that you're only what I see sometimes.

Happy Thanksgiving? or something.

2008-11-27T10:31:00.000-08:00

Subject:
RE: no sweet potatoe pie
Body: we love you, and miss you!!!!
its not the same here without you.

College gets so depressing around these times.

This bandwagon's on it's last leg.

2008-11-15T08:03:00.001-08:00

I love when people think they're smooth, meanwhile you see right through them. It's extremely entertaining. I have that same gut feeling I had when it happened the first time. I wouldnt even say it's an awful feeling, it's actually comforting. I already know. Completely obvious and stupid move. Stress the stupid.

2008-11-13T04:01:00.000-08:00

We always knew that you were better.

2008-11-05T06:23:00.001-08:00

I'm so in love with Monessen.

<3 .

2008-11-02T08:22:00.000-08:00

Used to be one of the rotton ones and I liked you for that,
Now you're all gone, got your makeup on, and you're not coming back.

Dear New York,
Please go fuck yourself.
Or at least until I miss you again.

2008-10-28T16:47:00.000-07:00

I'll write you a post card, I'll send you the moon.

You were always one to stay the same.

2008-10-26T12:01:00.000-07:00

Yesterday would have been fun if the nicest kid in the world didn't total his car. I feel like a horrible person, even though I couldn't do anything about it. I was there, and it just makes me feel shitty. It's crazy how close I already feel with the people here, to the point where I almost knocked the cunt out who was in the other car blaming him. Fucking bitches.

Last night I actually put on Lack of Color at the party. I'm not sure if that means I'm getting worse or better.

2008-10-25T14:15:00.000-07:00

Everyday's another scene, the world around and everything, for you. An open door, a cauldron of the waves rush in through every house, for all. So they say another lie; "Love's a rumor and love will die." We're lost and wondering. Deep in the ocean, there lies a wave for you.

I could listen to this all day, everyday, and never get bored. Sometimes I download it again for no reason, just to do. Today I saw someone trying to share it with me on Limewire, and I canceled their download, because I knew it wouldn't mean half as much to them as it does to me.

Go, tell the millions, "Begin!" Well run through the fields, the turning of wheels, down with the buildings, world's on your shoulders, climb through the wasteland, wait for the sky to remind you; these things are true.

Absurdity.

2008-10-21T09:12:00.000-07:00

You can constantly change locations, but the people will always be the same. There will always be someone who hates you, for no logical reason whatsoever. I'm okay with it, I just think it's absurd. It was bound to happen, but for the reason you claim? Give me something worth it. You're in the wrong place for this nonsense. Die out.

DEAR LAURA,
Polaroid film for the cameras we have will be discontinued in August of 09. So stock up. Also, there is a petition that you must sign.

p.s. naked pictures of olive toned vaginas that hang to the ground, pretty disgusting. vom. vomvomvomvomvom.

Maybe it's the earth, maybe it's the heat.

2008-10-20T10:24:00.000-07:00

2008-10-19T09:52:00.000-07:00

I knew your heart I couldn't win.

Update?

2008-10-12T08:13:00.000-07:00

So I was in my first movie yesterday. Fuckin' shweet. All the appliances were from the remake of Night of the Living Dead, my makeup was "garley." Canada took pictures but I'm waiting for him to send them. Hmph.

There's this store in Pitts called Eides, and it may very well be the best movie store ever. I bought a bunch of toys and movies, blew at least 150 in the 15 minutes that we were there. They have this I Spit On Your Grave movie poster that fucking rules, but it's 72 bucks, and I'm offically poor.

I want New York weed. Ralpppphhhhhhh!

I saved a kitten. It's staying at Yellow House and it's name is Ruka Phenix. (Ruka means gorgeous in German, I believe?) It's orange and black and white and it makes me miss Charlie. I miss everyone. So much. I hope they visit soon. If not... War.

Sculping class rules. Jerry Gergly is the man of all men. I thought i'd be horrible at it but he always compliments my work so I guess I can't be that bad. Pictures soon when I get a new camera.

Foundations of SFX rules too. We made blood and semen last class. On my way home my blood spilled all over my steps and it looks like someone was massacred in front of my house. It was awesome, but someone cleaned it. Party poopers.

The other night we went to see a Grindhouse Double Feature. Get this... Cannibal Holocaust and Cannibal Ferox. On the big fucking screen. It was beautiful. I can't want to brag about it to my kids when I get old.

Animal Collective. !!.

I think I'm cooking dinner tonight. Chicken cutlets and mashed potatoes? Mhmmm.

2008-10-10T11:05:00.000-07:00

Can I call you just to hear you?

You are the purple in me.

2008-10-07T16:48:00.000-07:00

I love PA.
but I already caught myself missing home.

:(

2008-10-03T11:10:00.000-07:00

I love school and the house across the street.

2008-09-23T07:51:00.000-07:00

Hey, Sarah Palin, you're a fucking buffoon.

I really hate your face. I really would love to soak her is battery acid and ring her out with barbed wire.

Top Facts Everyone Must Know About Sarah Palin
All facts below about Sarah Palin are backed up by links to credible news sources.

1) She is opposed to abortion even in cases of rape and incest, even if victims are children.

2) She offered a bounty of $150 for each left front leg of freshly killed wolves. Cunt.

3) As mayor of Wasilla, she made rape victims pay for their own forensic evidence kits.

4) She promotes aerial hunting of wolves and bears even though Alaskans voted twice to ban the practice.

5) She strongly supports drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.

6) She used $400,000 of state money to fund a propaganda campaign in support of aerial hunting.

7) She is a champion for big oil and her campaign slogan has become "Drill, baby, drill!"

8) She believes creationism should be taught in public schools.

(Note: She also believes that gods and angels can cure all diseases imaginable, therefore no one should need health insurance.)

9) She believes man-made global warming is a farce.

10) She is opposed to listing the polar bear as an endangered species because it might limit oil exploitation.

11) While mayor of Wasilla, she tried to fire the city librarian because the librarian refused to censor books.

12) She supports the Alaskan Independence Party which seeks independence from the United States.

13) She is presently under investigation in Alaska for abuse of power.

14) She is opposed to listing the Cook Inlet beluga whale as an endangered species.

15) She has no international experience and only obtained her first passport just last year. (2007)

I have no words.

2008-09-21T16:47:00.000-07:00

This week is screaming a lot of significance but I think it's mostly just laughing in my face.

2008-09-19T18:23:00.000-07:00

Painkillers shmainkillers.

2008-09-18T20:37:00.000-07:00

Surgery went well. I have some brusing but my doc said my face shouldn't resemble the elephant mans for any more than 5 days, which makes me happy. I didn't want to show up to school on the first day looking like my face got aborted.

Halloween is soon. I have no idea what to be. I thought about being the Lady in the Radiator..

..but I'm not sure. Ideas? Anyone? ...Bueller? Anyone?

@#$%^&*poop.

2008-09-18T01:17:00.000-07:00

I have surgery in x amount of hours. Holy painkillers. Aaaand, ahem, school starts in 2 flippin' weeks. I will miss homecooked meals, my aminals, my mattress, knowing where to drive, everything. Never thought I'd say that. But I swear on my movie collection if my brother kills my rabbits I will peel the skin off his little fragile bones, with love, of course, and use him as one of my projects. No, I won't, but that would be awesome.

Pointless as pointless gets.

Sometimes I want to marry my puppy. Not in the interspecies erotica kind of way, don't worry. She's just always so happy when I come home and she sleeps with me every night and keeps me warm as pie. She's the best. I lurve her :)

DANCE WITH ME AND BUY ME WHISKEY FOR MY GOING AWAY PARTY? Sweet thanks.
I plan on baking this: MOREFUCKINGBRAINS
I think it's beautiful.OH, I think it's only fair that you motherfuckers bring me a few bottles of whiskey considering im baking you hungry stoners a fucking brain cake. I mean, you don't have to buy it for me, perse, but share the fucking wealth, eh? Cool.

That blog I posted about vampires is now a nice juicy load of bullshit. Turns out it's a show. I'm completely oblivious to the telivision world, sorry if you read it. All those commercials and shit were for promotion. Fuckin' fooled me. HI, IM THE DOUCHBAG. Laugh it up, clown. But, I actually gave it a chance and watch it, and it kinda ruled. I might get hooked if I continue to watch it. Bad news bears. I just find it annoying when people get hooked on teevee shows and they're all like "OHMUHGAWD SUSAN DID YEW SEE THA NEW EPISODE?! I ALMOST DIED AND HADDA HAWT ATTACK LIKE. CAN YEW BELIEVE JOHNNY BROKE UP WITH JENNAFA LYKE? THAT STOOPID JOIKEAWFF!" Shoot you in the fucking face? Bang fucking bang bitch.

You're my oblivion.

2008-09-15T10:29:00.000-07:00

Nothing holds my attention.
I wish I had balls.

I love theme songs.

Duck Tales, obivious given.

WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE-U CALL D.W.

Not really a song but it flippin' awesome. Gargoyles.

Gummi Bears was my favorite show<3

Pirates of Dark fucking Water. Rarity. It got cancelled before they even found all of the 13 treasures, which kind of destroyed my youth. If you know where I can find this on DVD, please contact me. I need it, along with Gummi Bears, please.

Beetle.

Street Sharks.

Jesus.

Aaaahh!!!

I can't describe how nostalgic this makes me feel.

And speaking of Winnie, talk about how horrifying this can be for a child:

Okay, seriously, besides gummi Bears, this is by far the greatest song of all time.

I had to.

Herclues?! I dont know what the fuck I was thinking, but I recorded every single episode of Hercules and Xena when I was a kid. I'm embarrassed.

I think these last two videos sum up this pointless blog beautifully.

I apologize for the complains.

2008-09-12T13:53:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wish I would spontaneously combust all over myself. I hate when I don't take 10 seconds to think about what I'm going to say. I mean, if I take 10 seconds or not, I probably still sound like an incoherent asshole. Some things bother me more than they bother most normal people, and it makes me sad that I'm like this, but it also makes me happy because not many people care at all, but then again sometimes I wish I could be one of those people.

School starts soon. Am I excited or am I terrified? I guess I'm exciteified. I bought nose putty and tried to give myself a huge nose so that way when I took it off my real nose would look a lot smaller.

I have surgery in 6 days. I hope I can breathe after this one. If not, then I guess I technically don't have a nose.

Is it weird that one of my favorite things about school is getting text books. I love text books. My little brother asked me to do his homework for him and I only did it because he got a new text book and I couldn't contain myself. I have an obsession with text books. I hate myself.

I had a dream that all by brothers fish died. I woke up and his silver fish was dying. I just got home from Dinner with my parents, and the fish is dead. Now I feel like a horrible person.

R.I.P. fish.

Speaking of fish, I once had a fish named Michael Jackon and he commited suicide.

I'm pissed.

2008-09-10T15:52:00.000-07:00

Okay. Am I the only one who thinks this Vampire Rights Amendment bullshit is getting a little crazy? I probably am, but I'm going to rant about it anyway, so fuck.

I don't care who you are or how much blood you drink, you're not a vampire. Sure, it's cool.. in movies, because you're immortal and really goodlooking and badass. But if I went up to one of these so-called "vampires" and shot them in the stomach, with the gun that I don't have, they would probably definitely bleed to death. And I'm confused, what is this TruBlood Beverage? Apparently it's synthetic blood that quenches vampires nourishment so that they don't have to go around biting peoples throats out. But, am I crazy? Doesn't synthetic mean "fake" or "artificial." Let's see, it does! So how in the name of sweet babies does a fake blood beverage nourish a vampires needs of survival? This is all bullshit to me and it makes me want to kill everyone. I don't need to come home one day and have to worry about some vampire freak jumping out from my bushes to drink my blood when I know their not real. If you're gonna drink my blood, fine, but turn me into a vampire too. Don't be selfish. But remember, that's impossible. So please don't do it.

Listen to what this bitch wrote:

Dear Friend,

The American Vampire League is the largest organization in the United States dedicated to promoting the equality and civil liberties of vampires. The AVL takes a three-pronged approach: lobbying for the Vampire Rights Act at state and national levels, disseminating accurate information about vampires to the general public and offering guidance to vampires seeking to mainstream.

Each of these efforts supports one ultimate mission: To eradicate the fear and hatred of vampires that is caused by both widespread misinformation and an entire race's punishment for the crimes of a few. Since the discovery and marketing of synthetic blood, there is no longer any reason for vampires to remain hidden — or to be shunned or discriminated against.
To humans we say: Vampires are your neighbors, your nightwatchmen, your ancestors. And to my fellow vampires: It's time we all come out of the darkness. Let's learn to live together without fear.

Yours eternally, Nan Flanagan.

..What? Eternally yours? Bitch you are not eternal. Come out of the darkness? I thought you couldn't. Night watchmen? Stop, you're fucking creepy as balls. Synthetic blood? Come on, if you're a vampire, we all know you'd prefer real human blood rather than fake processed store bought blood. I know I would. Plus one day I'm sure you're gonna be chillin' with your "human" friends and get really malnourished and attack your BFFL, and not get arrested because it's now legal to kill. That's not fair, why can't I drink peoples blood? Give me a break off that Kit-Kat bar. Live without fear? I'm not so much scared of the fact that there are vampires running around biting people for no reason than I am of that fact that the world is going to be taken over by freaks. This is all so confusing to me.

I think this is slightly odd too:

When William "Skutch" Miller spotted a vampire at his daughter Sandy's bedroom window, he was more than happy to offer an invitation . The visitor in question, Aaron Stockholm, had run miles to the Iowa farmer's house after noticing flames on the horizon. Much of the property was destroyed by the time Stokholm arrived, but thanks to his quick thinking - and the Millers' open -mindness- he was able to carry all eight members of the trapped family to safety. " I wasn't so sure about this whole vampire thing," says Miller, "but after one of them saves your whole family, you have to rethink some of your judgements. All I can say is that Aaron's always welcome in my house."

AN INVITATION? To someone starring at your daughter through a window? Why, sir? Do you really want to watch a vampire ass ramming your daughter? That's by far the worst fantasy I've ever heard. If my father allowed me to be raped by a vampire, all Hell would break loose on his ass. Well, I guess technically it would be breaking loose on my ass.. but that's besides the point. What the fuck man. Am I crazy? If I saw ANYTHING starring at me or anyone of my family members (especially my spawn) through a bedroom window, I don't care what you are; vampire, werewolf, a demon sent from the farthest nether regions of Hell, Arnold Swartzenegger, Osama, Bono, Oprah Winfrey, or the Devil himself, that motherfucker would be begging for his breath, So I guess it's okay to murder people and be a peeping-tom and rape little girls if you're a vampire? Well shit on a fucking brick, why doesn't everyone just pretend to be a vampire and live it the fuck up?

Second, why can't cannibals go around eating people if vampires are allowed to drink peoples blood? They can go around scaring people and giving people heart attacks when they come home from buying groceries for their families and drink their blood for survival, but a cannibal can't eat people? That's their nourishment. Also, cannibals are real. Vampires are not. So what the fuck? All of this is really making me hate America and Government a lot more than I already did. If anything should be rewarded with a Right, it should be the cannibals, because it's not their fault. And once again, they are real. They exist. They are not fake.

I also don't think it's fair to serial killers. I love serial killers. I think each and everyone of them are extremely interesting because they don't have minds like everyone else. There is so much shit going on in their heads and I personally find it so fascinating and I think everybody can learn a little something from them if you have an open mind. I think serial killers should have a right to kill as well. That might sound stupid, but I think the Vampire Right is stupid, so fuck you. Serial killers rule. There is no reason whatsoever to give somebody the death sentence/life in jail for the reason that they are sick or for the fact that they got shitty genes. Kill their parents, not them. I think serial killers are genius and beautiful and sad and amazing. They should absolutely 100% be able to kill people because it is their personal way of dealing with the way that life presented itself to them. If vampires can kill, then Jeff Dahmer should have never been arrested and beaten to death by someone in jail. Dahmer was a fucking sweetheart. Call me crazy. I hope a "vampire" gets a hold of that guy really soon. That one vampire gets my approval.

So in conclusion: Fuck you vampires I hate you. I'm sorry to be a party pooper, but if they were real deal and if they could make me immortal, then fuck, bite me anywhere you want. But this is real life and it's confusing me. Watch me go out tonight and get bit my a vamp. I'll flip the fuck out.

2008-09-09T16:58:00.001-07:00

swearonchanel88 (4:50:49 PM): when u leave
swearonchanel88 (4:50:51 PM): its gonna suck =[

Sigh.

BIP.

2008-09-08T17:40:00.000-07:00

This is currently, seriously, my favorite song.

We count the days left; 23.

2008-09-06T16:34:00.000-07:00

I love you.

The guy who pumps my gas tried to rob me of 5 dollars. I wasn't having it, so I yelled, and said "Where's your manager?!" and I never said that before. It was liberating. I felt like a grown up.

I also cooked my own dinner tonight. On the stove, not the microwave. That made me feel like a grown up too, but that part wasn't liberating. It sucked.

I like watching people yawn.

Holy Miss Moley.

2008-09-05T10:34:00.000-07:00

I leave for school in 24 days, or something like that. I can't wait to leave although I am going to miss the comfort of this shitty god forsaken island, along with a handful of people who I kind of don't want to live without. Oh well, I guess it'll make the 7 hour drive home something to look forward to.

I met Chris when he was 19. He's going to be 22 tomorrow. Weird.

2008-09-03T09:33:00.000-07:00

I am not a fucking Gemini.

Into A Fly.

2008-09-02T10:50:00.000-07:00

Starchaser.

2008-08-31T11:41:00.000-07:00

First! Watch it.

Beer pong fucks the shit out of you. I died last night.

-Ingested blood. If you swallow blood — during a nosebleed, for example — subsequent vomiting may include some of this blood.

-Prolonged or vigorous vomiting. Vomiting may cause a tear in the small blood vessels of the throat or lower esophagus. This may cause blood to appear in your vomit.

-Peptic ulcers. Peptic ulcers are open sores that develop on the lining of the stomach, upper small intestine or esophagus. In addition to feeling a burning pain anywhere from your navel to your breastbone, you may vomit blood that appears either red or dark (like coffee grounds).

-Internal inflammation. Inflamed tissue in the esophagus (esophagitis), stomach (gastritis) or upper part of the small intestine may cause blood to appear in your vomit.

-Cancer. Various types of cancer may cause you to vomit blood, especially cancers of the stomach and esophagus.

I have cancer. Great!

2008-08-26T10:11:00.000-07:00

I havent felt good in about a week.
Thank mother nature for Marijuana and it's temporary rush.

Well, fuck.

2008-08-20T14:15:00.000-07:00

Feed me to the lions.

2008-08-19T13:24:00.000-07:00

I can guide a missile by satellite and I can hit a target through a telescope and I can end the planet in a holocaust.

Chainsaw to the pussy.

2008-08-17T13:23:00.000-07:00

Let's complain!

1. I might think you're a cunt.

2. You know when people talk straight out of their ass and make up these absurd stories that always have to top what you said just before they started to babble about something that is pysically impossible but they just say it to sound better and more interesting than you? Yeah. That makes me itchy.

3. Do boys have a menstrual cycle? I think they do, because every male I know is acting like they have a vagina. Tip: Please invest in some Midol. It relives bloating, fatigue, head aches, cramps, and back aches.

4. I hate loud, obnoxious human beings. Especially white ones. Leave that to the colored folk, please. It's expected of them.

5. I give out too many cigarettes. From now on, don't ask me, because I am broke, and it's all your fault.

Would you?

2008-08-16T12:49:00.000-07:00

__________________________________________

I love:
Africa by Toto. That song rules.
My rabbits double chin.
Apple bongs.
My mattress.
The Deadly Spawn.
My earings that make me look like a spanish wannabe.
Manhatten Special when it doesn't explode.

I'm getting paranoid about moving to PA. I hope I don't end up living with really mean bitches who steal my Hot Pockets and never let me use the bathroom. I'ma shank someone.

I have to go for surgery on my nose again because I have like 9 deviated septums and I still cant breathe. Thanks for the crappy genes, Mother. Just kidding I love you.

I want to play the harmonica. Teach me. Then give me money to buy a set.

I want to be Ceto: "She is the personification of the dangers and horrors of the sea. Her name eventually became a name for any generic sea monster. Ceto is regarded as the mother of the Gorgons and many other monsters."

If you know what movie this is from, I love you.
The bacon on the wall is absolutley incredible.

I feel like more.

2008-08-13T12:46:00.000-07:00

SASSY IS OKAY! IM PICKING HER UP RIGHT NOW :)

Everything you love should be invincible.

2008-08-11T03:03:00.000-07:00

My cat is in the hospital. I don't know what happened to her, but she is cut up pretty bad. Either she got into a fight with something HUGE, like a turkey. Or she got hit by a car. Her eye is destroyed, they think she might be blind, hense she needs her eye removed, and her jaw is dislocated. Sasssssy, I love you.

You're anointed, that's why you get so disappointed.

2008-08-09T07:17:00.000-07:00

FUCK THE PO-LICE.

2008-08-07T23:45:00.000-07:00

Why do I always get pulled over by black cops? I hate their fucking mini-flashlights that they shine in your face like it isn't blinding or capable of destroying my cornea. They always find the profanities in my car too, but they just never arrest me. They just tell me to be careful and do the right thing. Thank the Lord for being a somewhat good looking young woman.

I watched MURDERBALL today. A documentary about Wheelchair Rugby.

Quite enjoyable, but it made me depressed. So I watched Day of the Dead afterwards. Bub is the love of my life.

I hate seeing people eating alone. I always want to sit with them and keep them company. For some reason it really gets under my skin. I was at Wendy's before with everyone and the cutest man with a 90210 t-shirt came in and sat by himself. I had to walk out.

I wish it was possible to get melodies tattooed on your body instead of art. If it ever becomes reality, I am going to get "World and Dreams" by Misery Signals.

I always feel 2 inches tall and inferior to everyone else.

Apparatus.

2008-08-07T02:57:00.000-07:00

Maybe this website will cure the disease that I have.

Something in my room is beeping. I don't know what it is and I am too comfortale to get up and check. Punchmeintheface, I never sleep. At least during normal hours. Oh well, I have all of purgatory to sleep through. Oh, wait.

My bunny is looking at me. Sometimes I get nervous that Reincarnation is real, because at random points throughout my day I just feel like getting naked, and my bunnies stare at me while I get undressed. I hope there isn't a creepy old man in there. I mean, I lied. Creepy is nice.

I wish I made plans or did something productive with my time. I want to see Pineapple Express, but I know afterwards Chris will get mad at me because he thinks I love James Franco, which is false. Seth Rogan? Now that's a completely different story.

My parents don't care that my sleeping patterns got anally fucked to Hell and back, they're just happy because I'm always up to make the coffee.

If I could be anyone, I'd probably want to be Bjork. She's a creepazoid, but for some reason I want her face.

I randomly get into these weird moods where I feel the urge and need to download absolutly ridiculous music. Last week I download a buttload of 90's rap music. Blackstreet rules, and "No Diggity" is probably my favorite song. That's a lie, but it helps me get ready faster in the mornings.

I wish I was still a stoner. I smoked shweed before, for the first time in about a month or so. Two hits, dunzo for me. It was nice. I hate it though. I have a love/hate relationship with Miss. Mary Jane, and those are never good. Either I get muted or I talk peoples ears off when I'm stoned. This is why I love beer. You can never go wrong with some booze.

It's 6:36 in the morning.